Strip Poker
by mollylolly
Summary: The Doctor and the Master are playing strip poker in the TARDIS, much to the Doctor's annoyance. He thinks the Master's cheating, doesn't want to take his shirt off and the Master will do anything to make sure that he does.


Random, random idea. Pointless too. Obviously set if the Master wasn't shot in the LOTTL :)

* * *

'Alright, I'm dealing.'

'But you dealt last time!'

'Too bad. That wasn't even poker. Ante?'

'I'm sorry?'

'Your starting bet. Put it in.'

'What, like money?'

'Yes, Doctor. Like money.'

'I haven't got any money.'

'Oh, for Rassilon's sake. We can't play poker if you haven't got any money!'

'We could just play for fun!'

'Hmm, you're right. Let's play strip poker!'

'Definitely not.'

'Great! Dealing now.'

'Master, I'm _not_ playing strip poker.'

'Should be easier for you, you have way more clothes on than me.'

'But you usually win.'

'Well that's not my fault, is it?'

'It's still not fair!'

'Tough. Now take your cards.'

'...'

'...'

'Ah, this is brilliant!'

'Really, now?'

'Yeah!'

'Discarding?'

'Two.'

'Three for me.'

'Oh, didn't you draw yourself anything worthy?'

'Don't be so accusing, Doctor - and stop laughing!'

'This is going to take ages, you know.'

'Fine. Make this the end of the round.'

'Wait - _what?! _You can't do that after one draw!'

'Too bad, I just did. You ruined this with your empty pocket anyway, we can't have an increasing bet. Show me your cards.'

'Fine, fine.'

'Oh, what a shame. Looks like I win, take something off.'

'There... what?!'

'A shoe? You're really no fun.'

'Just because _you_ take your shirt off the first time you lose.'

'Actually, I might not this time if you continue to be so boring.'

'Hurry up and deal.'

'Oh, look who wants to play now.'

'Stop being so flirty.'

'What? Me?'

'No, the TARDIS. _Yes you!_'

'You can hardly talk.'

'_Anyway, _I'm drawing one.'

'Only? Two.'

'You always draw more than me...'

'Yet I always win, don't I?'

'Are we doing this whole one-draw-is-now-a-round-thing?'

'Yes. Show your cards.'

'Two pair.'

'Shame. Straight.'

'Master, you're cheating!'

'How dare you! Take off something - _no,_ not your other shoe!'

'Yes, my other shoe.'

'Rassilon, Doctor. I knew being your prisoner wouldn't be fun, but this is _dreadful.'_

'Let's not play, then.'

'No. Let's. I'm so bored. And I'll win.'

'...'

'Discarding?'

'Three.'

'I can _so_ see that sock coming off next. One.'

'Two pair.'

'Flush.'

'I swear, you're cheating. You have that cheating grin.'

'I am not. Just because you're pathetic.. let's double the stakes, I'm getting bored. Three items of clothing now.'

'Three?'

'Yes.'

'This round doesn't count.'

'Fine, take your goddamned sock off then. You're so boring, even Lucy was more fun than you.'

'You are so immature.'

'Actually, I seem to recall you being the one who cried when I ate the rest of your banana cupcakes last week.'

'- Just deal!'

'And now you're dodging it again, aren't you?'

'We've had this discussion, I wasn't crying!'

'Oh, just sobbing quietly with your back turned around so I couldn't see your invisible tears?'

'Be quiet! You were upset when you didn't get to get to come to Capitol with me.'

'Oh, you're referring to something that happened when we were thirteen. I applaud you, good comeback.'

'Discarding three, you?'

'One.'

'Three of a kind.'

'Full house.'

'You _are_ cheating!'

'I'm _not!_ Three things, off, now.'

'Fine, I'll be generous.'

'Jacket and the vest? _So_ very generous of you...'

'_And_ the tie.'

'Well now it's going to be fun, you don't have that much left.'

'I still have a sock.'

'Yeah. Plus a shirt and the pants, that makes three.'

'Stop looking at me like that.'

'... you know what?'

'What?'

'That _was_ unfair that I didn't get to come.'

'Huh?'

'To Capitol!'

'Are you joking? I can't tell...'

'No! I asked you _so_ nicely, don't you remember? And you bloody ran off with Ushas. Rassilon, that girl was nasty.'

'She really wasn't. Cards?'

'Yes she was. She hated me. Two pair.'

'_Ha!_ Three of a kind! I win'

'...'

'But really, _must_ you start with your shirt?'

'Don't start pretending again; I saw that glance.'

'What glance?'

'_That_ glance!'

'This... this is my normal glance!'

'Your desperate glance of arousal staring right at my chest? Yeah, I so want to wake up to that everyday.'

'_Actually -'_

'No! Shut up and take your cards!'

'Discarding three. So why did Ushas hate you so much?'

'Don't know.'

'Sure?'

'Definite.'

'It was because you liked me, wasn't it?'

'No!'

'Oh, come on. You were so obvious.'

'_Me?_ You're the one who snuck out of class _every_ day for that entire week I was sick, just so you could come snog my face off in the Medical Centre!'

'And _you're_ the one who kept begging me to come back every day!'

'And _you're_ the one who _did_ come back every day.'

'And _you're_ the one who wanted me to!'

'You wanted to too, or you wouldn't do it.'

'Anyway, one pair.'

'Four of a kind. I win, shirt; take it off.'

'Do I have to?'

'Yes, Doctor. Take it off.'

'I'm still convinced you were cheating.'

'Off!'

'Say please.'

'Are you a child, or what?'

'Say please, _Koschei.'_

'Don't call me that!'

'Then say please.'

'_Please,_ Doctor. Take off your shirt and stop calling me that disgusting name.'

'Right then.'

'...'

'...'

'That's much better. I forfeit, let's do something else.'

'Good, can I put my shirt back on then?'

'Absolutely not.'

'What are we going to do?'

'Don't know, whatever I feel like. Come on.'

'Where are we going?'

'Bedroom.'

'Ah.'

'...'

'...'

'Oh, and Doctor?'

'What?'

'I cheated.'


End file.
